Never Get Married Just Because You Are In Love

It takes more than love to sustain a marriage.

There are many good reasons for couples to get married and love always seems to be the no.1 reason for most marriages, and even so they almost always or 50% of the time end up getting a divorce. The horrifying truth is love is never a good reason for anyone to get married. Yes! You've read correctly, you should never get married just because you are in love; yet it continues to be the sole deciding factor when most people make the decision to "tie the knot". Marriage is not just about how much you love the person, but also about creating the right relationship. The success of a marriage is not determined by the amount of love you have in the beginning, but how much love you can build over time.

When two people are attracted to each other, the physical chemistry that has been developed forms the basis of the relationship and now they may think they’re in love. When in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other. You should always try to remember that chemistry only ignites the fire, but character is what keeps it burning. Chemistry or physical attraction is definitely an advantage, but a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot endure on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate. I am not saying you don't need love in a marriage because you do, what I am saying is you need something to compliment that love.

Why Love Is Never Enough

Love is an emotion, a feeling of strong attraction and personal attachment. But the thing about feelings and emotions is that they have a way of changing, people also change during different stages in their lifetime. You may be "head over heels in love" today but how will you feel a few years down the road. The problem is not with love, it is with the reasons you love. Love should be a choice and not a uncontrollable feeling that takes you over, you choose who you want to love so when you do choose wisely. 

What To Look For In A Spouse

Love should never be a reason to get married, that decision should be based on the reason you are in love. The best way, better yet - the only way, to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative and the top four qualities to look for should be used to help you decide to marry. 

People will fall in love for the wrong reasons and as a consequence marry, although they are in love for the wrong reasons. When you do decide to marry it should not be for love, love should be the fruit of the reasons you want to marry the person. You can grow to love anyone by its hard to change who you are to please someone. The qualities you should look for in an ideal partner and what should help you to decide to marry him/her are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness.

• Humility

Please note that to be humble is not the same as being a doormat, letting people walk all over you is not humility - It’s weakness and humble people are not weak. When you are humble you prefer to do the right thing, rather than your own thing and that requires lots of confidence and composure. A humble person will always value integrity above convenience and they will accept criticism without being defensive, because they are committed to personal growth rather than to comfort.

A humble person will not get angry easily, this is because they are not of the view that anybody owes them anything and for that reason they also tend not to be materialistic. 

Nobody is perfect, and it would be a mistake to limit your interest to only someone who possesses all of qualities of humility. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. Ask yourself if the person you’re with is arrogant, you definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him/her the world.

• Kindness

There is more to kindness than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples why they love their intended spouse, the first on the list will most likely be kind but still the divorce rate is over 50%. The question is: If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? This is because people lack the depth of kindness.

A kind person is a giver, someone who is committed to giving pleasure and minimizing the pain of another. If two persons that are like this should get married, they will avoid many serious problems in their relationship. This is because they are dedicated to each other’s well-being.

To determine if someone is truly a kind person, notice how they treat the people in their lives. Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not, what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married? Watch how they treat the the persons whom they have no obligations – waiters, busboys, doormen. What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act?

• Responsibility

You need to know if the person you are looking to marry is irresponsible, If he/she is then you should be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. No matter how much you think you're in love with an irresponsible person, if you want a stable future then love will not be enough to make your marriage work. Responsibility is an important quality to look for in a person you are planning to marry, the simplest indiscretion by your partner may lead to many arguments and overtime may end your marriage.   

Good questions to ask yourself are: Can you rely on this person and do you feel safe and secure with them? Can trust what this person says and do they live up to their commitments?

• Happiness

This one might be a shocker to you, happiness is not a character trait! But it's all dependent on your definition of happiness. Someone who is happy is basically content and focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have.

Life has no guarantees, you can be dealt a hard blow at anytime. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles, whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will find it much harder to cope and you want to be married to someone who can smile at life.

If the person you are with cannot be happy as an individual, then you will not be able to completely fill that void. The relationship will be about that person and the need for happiness, rather than a mutually beneficial bond. 

"If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not mean being unhappy. The world is full of plenty of interesting and enjoyable things to do and people who can enrich your life".

Reasons To Get Married

You should get married for your future and not just your short term future but long term, someone who will always be beneficial to you until death do you part. How many couples do you know were so in love at first and now they can't stand each other, as the saying goes there is a thin line between love and hate. Never get married just because you’re in love, focus on the character and not on chemistry. 

It takes more than love to sustain a marriage and while you are able to grow to love someone, it's hard to teach a old dog new tricks. Look for a quality person to share your life with, someone humble, kind, responsible and happy. You deserve no less! But so do they, so be sure to boast these very same qualities. A marriage is a lifetime commitment and you should ask yourself - "...if  problems should arise is this someone who will fight for this marriage, will I do whatever it takes to make this work..."