Everyone gets jealous at some point in their relationship and if you say that you've never been jealous, then I will have to say you've never been in love. A little jealousy can be flattering to your lover at times and yes that's true, but don't get it twisted - that is by no way a consolation for you to be or continue being jealous. Jealousy does not show how much you love someone, it just shows how insecure you are. Jealousy have a way of developing into something that controls you and that's when the suspicions, the assumptions, the insecurities and the trust issues arise. People who are jealous are convinced that their vigilance will protect their love, when all this scrutiny is really doing is causing you to be possessive, obsessive and it shows that you are weak. Jealousy is like a fire - it can be a good servant but a bad master. You being jealous can be damaging and is very capable of ending your relationship, it is troublesome to your partner and a torment to you. So you now begin to wonder - "How to stop being jealous and insecure in your relationship"? You and your partner must work hard together to help each other to deal with it, or you will lose each other to it.
"jealousy is in relationships is like salt in foods. A little can enhance the taste but too much can spoil the delight and can be life-threatening under certain circumstances"
Jealousy is just a feeling that causes you to react insecure and suspicious, this can lead you to do some really foolish things. This affects both you and your partner, it drives the both of you crazy and the only way to end this madness is for the two of you to fix it together. No one partner can solve the problem of jealousy and insecurity alone. People tend to be jealous in a bid to protect themselves from hurt, but being jealous only causes you constant pain and it is the reason many relationships fail. The thing about jealousy is that it doesn't happen if you feel completely confident, but no one is 100% confident all the time; not even your favorite Pop star. What I’m getting at is that jealousy is almost inevitable, so continue reading and let me tell you how to handle it.
Signs That You Are Too Jealous
If you find yourself doing one or more of these then your relationship is in danger, you may need to re-evaluate yourself and the person you are with.
- You question every action of your spouse, thinking it has something to do with he/she being unfaithful.
- You get angry if you don't know the whereabouts of your spouse rather than being concerned.
- You snoop around looking for clues or reasons to prove your partner is cheating.
- You want to control your spouse and you become worried whenever he/she is not around.
- If you think there is a need for you to prevent your partner from cheating and he/she cannot be trusted.
- You over analyze everything with the view that you are protecting yourself.
Negative thoughts, doubts, and insecurities often lead to more negative thoughts, doubts, and insecurities. No one want to be with someone who is needy, invasive and controlling; Learning how to deal with jealousy effectively is critical to maintaining a healthy relationship.
What Causes people To Be Jealous
It is natural to be jealous and it is not something that you can control. If you should see the person you love with someone else, there is no way you can prevent the feeling of jealousy. But if you are jealous without justification, simply based on suspicion, then your jealousy is cause for concern. The reason you are jealous is because you feel inadequate, this cause you to be suspicious of everything and the worst case scenario will always be your conclusion. No one is saying that people are not deceitful and disloyal, but there must be a balance between being naive and being suspicious. You can't be too trusting, especially if your partner is blatantly betraying you.
There must be a reason for this lack of trust, maybe it started because of a past relationship or something that your current partner has done. If you have trust issues then you will constantly be plagued by jealousy, you must realize that if you can't trust this person then you have no reason being together. If you think the person you are with is better than you and deserves better, there will always be a sense of insecurity. You being jealous is derivative of either you are the person you are with, and the sooner you can tell which it is will be the sooner you can fix it.
How To Overcome Jealousy And Insecurity In Your Relationship
The underlying cause of jealousy is fear: the fear of being hurt, the fear of losing your spouse, the fear of not being good enough. You will continue to be Jealous if you still have doubts about trusting your spouse, once there is this doubt you will continue to do crazy things. But the sooner you stop doubting and become certain, only then will the jealousy stop. Since jealousy affect both you and your partner, you both need to work together to rebuild trust. Talking with your partner about your jealousy is the best way to deal with it, let him/her know how you feel and what causes those feelings. It helps when you focus on your feelings and not necessarily your partner’s behavior. Do not blame or attack your partner because you feel jealous, instead explain how you feel. Say something like: "Sometimes I can't help being jealous and I don’t like feeling this way...I need you to reassure me regularly....".
Some people have a difficult time listening to their partners or spouses discuss their problems. Some people are just more uncomfortable with intimacy and closeness – so talking may not always work. You have to become more confident and assured in yourself, you can't cast the blame solely on your partner for your lack of confidence. If you have been hurt in the past don't take that baggage in your new relationship. Allow your partner to make his/her own mistake, people will make mistakes and there is nothing you can do to stop it. When you admit that to yourself then you will realize that being jealous and controlling is pointless.
Enjoy your relationship, use your energy to make him/her happy instead of obsessing and tormenting over baseless allegations. Give your partner reasons to stay with you by showing love and kindness, being jealous will only drive them crazy thus causing them to leave.